Guest lists

It is now almost a month since Al and I got married and so now I can offer some advice in hindsight:

Think very carefully about who you invite. If you don't see aunty so-and-so that often but you think she would be hurt if you didn't invite her, don't invite her.
I'm saying this because of what my family did to us. Hopefully yours are not the same.

As you'd all know, when you plan a wedding, you get your final guest numbers and you pay upfront, or maybe straight after, based on the final RSVP's two weeks before, not on who actually pitches up on the day.

My sister hardly invited anyone in the family to her wedding and I knew that a lot of them were hurt by it. These very people that were hurt by this are not people I'm very close to but they are closer than like 2nd or 3rd cousins and so we decided that we'd invite them.
One of them RSVP'd that she'd be away, the others all RSVP-ed that they would come.

Then one lot were unsure and so I phoned to confirm and was assured that they would be there and if they needed to leave for an emergency, then it would be ok.

But none of them pitched! Only my mom and my sister and her husband were from my family, nobody else. There were 11 of them that just didn't bother to show up and what made it worse, no explanation was offered afterwards, no apology, absolutely nothing. We were very tempted to send them an invoice for all the money they had wasted but then again, what's the point.

Them aside, it was tremendous fun! :)

Getting married in court or at Home Affairs

If you're like Al and I and have decided that you'd like someone who isn't any priest you know or don't know to perform your wedding ceremony, you'll have to get married in court or at Home Affairs (if you're in SA). Now when someone says to you "Yes, we booked like on the Monday and they said "Come on Wednesday" and so we did and then we got married" they meant that they had that at a little Home Affairs office in some little far away town with a population of 20 and it was in mid-winter.
If you, like us, want to get married in peak season, don't wait for 2 months before and then phone because you'll have to then find some far away little town with a population of 20 and drive there to get married in time, like we will. O.k, we won't because we found somewhere near home (I'm not saying where! There's only a few spots left.) and so now it's just a frantic rush to get our contract sorted and rush and book our appointment. What a lovely coincidence though that they have the very day we want open. Yay!

But take my word for it, book well in advance or you may end up throwing an elaborate party for, well, just for fun because you won't manage to get married in time!

Makeup

Most of us would go to a professional makeup artist if we could and while I'm very lucky in that my future mother-in-law has organised that for myself and my bridesmaids, not everyone will have this. That doesn't mean that you shouldn't use really good products though!

A makeup brand called Kryolan is fantastic! They have such a huge variety, ranging from stage makeup to makeup with light coverage to makeup designed to hide tatoos and birthmarks and in 300 shades, you can't go wrong.
I use Kryolan as my everyday makeup because it blends with my pale skin perfectly and doesn't clog my pores or irritate my skin and even if my skin isn't flawless, it most certainly makes it look that way! It's very cost effective too and if you use a wet latex sponge to apply the cream foundations, they will last so much longer and go on evenly. It costs much less to buy a tub of Kryolan Ultra Foundation that a bottle of foundation and a concealer elsewhere.

What I love about Kryolan is how they seem to have thought of everything when it comes to makeup. They have this amazing weather-proof powder which allows you to just dab at your face with a tissue if your face sweats or even if you go swimming and your makeup will stay perfectly in place.

They have various other things such as fixing spray and a wide variety of eyeshadows and lipsticks and glosses and well, anything you can think of. Go and look at their website if you need more convincing: www.kryolan.com


The only thing I would get elsewhere simply because Kryolan don't make this is the Mineral Skin Finish in soft and gentle from Mac. It's almost like a bronzer but it doesn't make you look orange. It just adds a natural looking glow to your skin and makes you look healthy.



The last thing and this is purely based on my own opinion and probably isn't very widely shared, I would opt to have my eyelashes tinted instead of using mascara. Yes, it burns a bit for a few seconds but if you go to a good beauty therapist, it can not burn at all. I tend to let them wipe my eyes and then I take over the wiping because I can feel where it's burning and that works well. It's 10 seconds of irritation for smudge-free long lashes that will last for weeks and it's very inexpensive. At least here in South Africa it is.

First attempt at writing vows

A while ago, I wrote an attempt at vows. It was more what I'd love to say but I will probably end up saying something that isn't likely to make me burst into fits of giggles in front of everyone.
If you read carefully, you will see that mine are, in fact, based on traditional vows:

I'll love you when the sun comes up,
and you hold out your hand, for your coffee cup.

I'll love you when you're sick in bed,
And look so bad, with your nose so red.

I'll love you when you've spent all your money,
& I'll laugh at your jokes, as if they're so funny

I'll love you when you get old and flabby,
And arthritis has struck and you're always so crabby

I'll love you and will always think you're so hot
And I'll keep all others, in my blind spot

I'll love you when you're 103
And have no teeth or sanity

What I'm saying is that it's you I love most,
I'll love you 'till I die, and turn into a ghost.

The shoes

I am a firm believer in comfort. You may be one of those women willing to trade comfort for aesthetics when it comes to shoes but you don't necessarily have to!

For those of us who are getting married who do dancing, the choice is obvious; wear dancing shoes! Why? Well, they're 100% leather so they're soft and super comfortable. The entire sole is soft with the bottom consisting of brushed suede. The reason for this is to allow you to slide, glide and drag your feet on a dance floor but even if you don't dance, it makes for the most comfortable shoe you could wear!

The prices vary mainly according to where they're made and according to the style you choose. Don't be put off if one shop tells you that they can only get the expensive ones in your colour of choice because there are many, many places out there that will have them in any colour you can imagine for the same cost as a local shoe.
Alternatively, most places will cover them for you in the fabric of your choice for a small price. I was going to have mine covered in white fabric but as one of my friend's mentioned, the fabric is more likely to pick up dirt that just the leather and so for that reason, I am opting for the right colour leather instead.





Some of the shoes aren't in leather, some are in satin and if you don't go stomping on the grass outside or through the mud but keep your shoes on inside and inside only on a clean floor, they could really lovely with your satin dress.

A word of warning though, the white ones above, they're beautiful but beware of the mesh! I had black ones just like them and I got terrible blisters and that's the last thing you want.
I can vouch for the all-leather ones though! Super comfy! And that's saying a lot from someone who has flat feet and hates shoes!

Bridesmaids Dresses

The cliche goes that the poor Bridesmaids are forced to wear puffy, hideous dresses in peach so that the bride looks better. Quite honestly if the bride is that insecure that she is forcing her poor friends or sister to wear something awful, well then shame on her. If it's genuinely what the bride likes, well it's unfortunate but then it's the way to go.

I have 4 bridesmaids and each one has a very different body and different good and bad points. To me, the important issue was for the colour and shade of colour to match (even then I've seen bridesmaids in varying shades of the same colour and they looked fantastic!) and for each bridesmaid's dress to compliment their body in a way that they felt sexy and comfortable. As a result I have happy bridesmaids who are going to make my photos look gorgeous and they will be able to wear their dresses again to other functions.

Who says what - speeches

Something we were quite careful with our planning was who would be saying speeches at our wedding. You get those family members or friends who mean well but what comes out in front of a crowd of people isn't always what you'd hoped.

I was a bridesmaid at a wedding years ago where the bride's uncle had been asked to say a few words. The groom was friends with the uncle's son, the bride's cousin, and the uncle stood up and told everyone how the groom had corrupted his son and kept him out until all hours of the morning. Needless to say, everyone was horrified at the uncle.

Not letting your aunt or sibling say something at your wedding isn't wrong if they're not the best people to speak publicly. Rather ask someone you're close to that you know won't get completely trashed before they have to speak or won't embarrass you too much. It's also not unheard of to edit speeches before the day. It's your wedding and you don't want to feel a fool.

Also, if you as a woman feel that you'd like to have your say, it isn't the dark ages where women should "know their place" so unless you have a very conservative family that would frown upon this, you have every right to stand up and have your say. They're your guests too and your words are just as valuable as your partner's.