Getting married in court or at Home Affairs

If you're like Al and I and have decided that you'd like someone who isn't any priest you know or don't know to perform your wedding ceremony, you'll have to get married in court or at Home Affairs (if you're in SA). Now when someone says to you "Yes, we booked like on the Monday and they said "Come on Wednesday" and so we did and then we got married" they meant that they had that at a little Home Affairs office in some little far away town with a population of 20 and it was in mid-winter.
If you, like us, want to get married in peak season, don't wait for 2 months before and then phone because you'll have to then find some far away little town with a population of 20 and drive there to get married in time, like we will. O.k, we won't because we found somewhere near home (I'm not saying where! There's only a few spots left.) and so now it's just a frantic rush to get our contract sorted and rush and book our appointment. What a lovely coincidence though that they have the very day we want open. Yay!

But take my word for it, book well in advance or you may end up throwing an elaborate party for, well, just for fun because you won't manage to get married in time!

Makeup

Most of us would go to a professional makeup artist if we could and while I'm very lucky in that my future mother-in-law has organised that for myself and my bridesmaids, not everyone will have this. That doesn't mean that you shouldn't use really good products though!

A makeup brand called Kryolan is fantastic! They have such a huge variety, ranging from stage makeup to makeup with light coverage to makeup designed to hide tatoos and birthmarks and in 300 shades, you can't go wrong.
I use Kryolan as my everyday makeup because it blends with my pale skin perfectly and doesn't clog my pores or irritate my skin and even if my skin isn't flawless, it most certainly makes it look that way! It's very cost effective too and if you use a wet latex sponge to apply the cream foundations, they will last so much longer and go on evenly. It costs much less to buy a tub of Kryolan Ultra Foundation that a bottle of foundation and a concealer elsewhere.

What I love about Kryolan is how they seem to have thought of everything when it comes to makeup. They have this amazing weather-proof powder which allows you to just dab at your face with a tissue if your face sweats or even if you go swimming and your makeup will stay perfectly in place.

They have various other things such as fixing spray and a wide variety of eyeshadows and lipsticks and glosses and well, anything you can think of. Go and look at their website if you need more convincing: www.kryolan.com


The only thing I would get elsewhere simply because Kryolan don't make this is the Mineral Skin Finish in soft and gentle from Mac. It's almost like a bronzer but it doesn't make you look orange. It just adds a natural looking glow to your skin and makes you look healthy.



The last thing and this is purely based on my own opinion and probably isn't very widely shared, I would opt to have my eyelashes tinted instead of using mascara. Yes, it burns a bit for a few seconds but if you go to a good beauty therapist, it can not burn at all. I tend to let them wipe my eyes and then I take over the wiping because I can feel where it's burning and that works well. It's 10 seconds of irritation for smudge-free long lashes that will last for weeks and it's very inexpensive. At least here in South Africa it is.

First attempt at writing vows

A while ago, I wrote an attempt at vows. It was more what I'd love to say but I will probably end up saying something that isn't likely to make me burst into fits of giggles in front of everyone.
If you read carefully, you will see that mine are, in fact, based on traditional vows:

I'll love you when the sun comes up,
and you hold out your hand, for your coffee cup.

I'll love you when you're sick in bed,
And look so bad, with your nose so red.

I'll love you when you've spent all your money,
& I'll laugh at your jokes, as if they're so funny

I'll love you when you get old and flabby,
And arthritis has struck and you're always so crabby

I'll love you and will always think you're so hot
And I'll keep all others, in my blind spot

I'll love you when you're 103
And have no teeth or sanity

What I'm saying is that it's you I love most,
I'll love you 'till I die, and turn into a ghost.

The shoes

I am a firm believer in comfort. You may be one of those women willing to trade comfort for aesthetics when it comes to shoes but you don't necessarily have to!

For those of us who are getting married who do dancing, the choice is obvious; wear dancing shoes! Why? Well, they're 100% leather so they're soft and super comfortable. The entire sole is soft with the bottom consisting of brushed suede. The reason for this is to allow you to slide, glide and drag your feet on a dance floor but even if you don't dance, it makes for the most comfortable shoe you could wear!

The prices vary mainly according to where they're made and according to the style you choose. Don't be put off if one shop tells you that they can only get the expensive ones in your colour of choice because there are many, many places out there that will have them in any colour you can imagine for the same cost as a local shoe.
Alternatively, most places will cover them for you in the fabric of your choice for a small price. I was going to have mine covered in white fabric but as one of my friend's mentioned, the fabric is more likely to pick up dirt that just the leather and so for that reason, I am opting for the right colour leather instead.





Some of the shoes aren't in leather, some are in satin and if you don't go stomping on the grass outside or through the mud but keep your shoes on inside and inside only on a clean floor, they could really lovely with your satin dress.

A word of warning though, the white ones above, they're beautiful but beware of the mesh! I had black ones just like them and I got terrible blisters and that's the last thing you want.
I can vouch for the all-leather ones though! Super comfy! And that's saying a lot from someone who has flat feet and hates shoes!

Bridesmaids Dresses

The cliche goes that the poor Bridesmaids are forced to wear puffy, hideous dresses in peach so that the bride looks better. Quite honestly if the bride is that insecure that she is forcing her poor friends or sister to wear something awful, well then shame on her. If it's genuinely what the bride likes, well it's unfortunate but then it's the way to go.

I have 4 bridesmaids and each one has a very different body and different good and bad points. To me, the important issue was for the colour and shade of colour to match (even then I've seen bridesmaids in varying shades of the same colour and they looked fantastic!) and for each bridesmaid's dress to compliment their body in a way that they felt sexy and comfortable. As a result I have happy bridesmaids who are going to make my photos look gorgeous and they will be able to wear their dresses again to other functions.

Who says what - speeches

Something we were quite careful with our planning was who would be saying speeches at our wedding. You get those family members or friends who mean well but what comes out in front of a crowd of people isn't always what you'd hoped.

I was a bridesmaid at a wedding years ago where the bride's uncle had been asked to say a few words. The groom was friends with the uncle's son, the bride's cousin, and the uncle stood up and told everyone how the groom had corrupted his son and kept him out until all hours of the morning. Needless to say, everyone was horrified at the uncle.

Not letting your aunt or sibling say something at your wedding isn't wrong if they're not the best people to speak publicly. Rather ask someone you're close to that you know won't get completely trashed before they have to speak or won't embarrass you too much. It's also not unheard of to edit speeches before the day. It's your wedding and you don't want to feel a fool.

Also, if you as a woman feel that you'd like to have your say, it isn't the dark ages where women should "know their place" so unless you have a very conservative family that would frown upon this, you have every right to stand up and have your say. They're your guests too and your words are just as valuable as your partner's.

Dancing

How many weddings have you been to where the couple take to the floor and do a high school slow dance? It's sweet isn't it? No, it isn't. It's awful! I'm sorry if you did just that, I am very sorry if that's what you plan to do but no, it's not cool, it's really, really awful!

If you throw in a turn or two, it's better. So if you have no dancing ability and you want to just do the basics to get by and you're fully set on a slow dance, fine but then turn! Just do it, your guests will cheer and nobody will fall asleep or want to slit their wrists.

If you have the slightest inclination to do something more but don't want to attempt anything too hectic, learn the Rhythm Foxtrot. If you can walk, you can do this dance and you can even learn it at home if you don't want to go for lessons.




Here the flashing comes in again. You want to be a blushing bride, not a flashing bride so haul out them granny brooks or those boy shorts and save everyone on therapy bills.

Your one saving grace if you can't or don't want to do anything formal, is to do something silly. But not like so silly that you make a mockery of your wedding but something that brings out who you are. Just don't look at Youtube too much for inspiration lest you find yourself copying all those silly dances on there that everyone else has also copied.

The best thing with any dance though is that you must have an absolute blast doing it. Whether it's a Foxtrot, an Argentine Tango, The Macarena or your high school slow dance with a turn or two, have fun and everyone will enjoy it!

How to deal with those mild panic moments

Most people seem to go through a moment of panic in their planning, be it about the cake or the speech or the menu or whatever. For me, I seem to recall the panic over my dress and what the bridal party was wearing. I let my bridesmaids choose their own dresses and dress designs as long as it was the right colour and shade but not everyone is on the same priority wavelength I am and so it left me frustrated and exasperated and I often felt like screaming "Well, let's all just go naked!"
In fact, it was a friend who suggested having a nude wedding and our Master of Ceremonies who suggested he moderate the guestlist based on photos.

In the end everyone's outfits are sorted and I'm sure they're all going to look fantastic but it definitely helped to have people with a sense of humour around to lighten the moment.

Skin-deep

I am not one of those extremely lucky women who have flawlessly beautiful skin. I am very pale in complexion and I have a few freckles but I have, since age 14, been subject to breakouts. I am now 31 and the only reason I don't get them anymore is because I have found what works for me. Should I stop this treatment, I have no doubt that my skin will flare up again.

A friend of mine went onto a course of Roaccutane to ensure that her skin is flawless for her wedding and while I would've loved this option, I was worried about potential side effects and the cost, being on a tight wedding budget.

So, I had to find something else and I did and I'm so thrilled with it that I'm singing it's praises to everyone. You can get it at most pharmacies and it's cost effective too.

The first thing is that I went onto a generic of Diane 35, a prescription pill which has ingredients in it to clear your skin by preventing your skin from producing excess oil. That alone might be enough for some people but if you have sensitive skin, you may need to watch what you actually put on your face too.

The Vichy Normaderm range is very good for sensitive and breakout prone skin. For daily use I use the cleansing gel, toner and the Tri-Actve Anti Imperfection moisturiser and the Night Cream. They leave my face soft and supple and keep my skin blemish-free.




How I got to the blemish-free stage though wasn't just by taking my pills and washing my face. I went on Vichy's 3 week skin clearing programme. It was amazing! It worked after about 10 days! It consists of 3 weekly products and a daily cream.
The weekly products are microdermo abrasion sachets that you use to remove all the dead skin, a purifying and extracting mask that you use to get all the rubbish out of your pores and also purify them and some soothing spray that calms your skin afterward.
You then use the cream daily but you should take note that you need to stay out of the sun during these three weeks or at least use a good sunscreen.

I read on a review of the product though that it should only be used every three months which I can understand as it is quite harsh.




I will definitely be keeping a pack handy should I have any more breakouts just before the wedding!!

The final wedding dress decision (and how I got there)

I have never been one of those women who dreamed of her wedding day her entire life. To me, you grow up, you find a career path and you find ways to utilise your potential and if someone cool comes along that you want to be with, great, if not, oh well, you carry on.My sister was quite different though and so perhaps it was more my own perception of what was normal rather than our upbringing but when I became engaged, it was a bit of a thing for me to think of what I actually wanted for this wedding. The life plan was easy! The wedding, not so much.

Luckily Alan had a pretty good idea of what he wanted and some pretty good ideas too and my female friends have also contributed a lot to getting me into the whole wedding thing and now I'm well on my way with 10 weeks and two days to go.

One of the things I battled with most was choosing a wedding dress. There were so many wedding dresses but only 5 distinct styles and while women everywhere complained about having too much choice, I felt that there wasn't enough. I didn't look good in any of the wedding dress styles in my opinion and whether this one had extra pleats or this one was made of Chiffon while this one was made of Duchess Satin, they still amounted to the same thing to me.

I am not someone for lots of frills and bows but I do feel that a wedding dress should not look like something you wore to a dance, just in white. What added to my dilemma was actual dancing. If you've done formal dancing, you're usually aware of certain things that matter like tripping over your dress, having the dress not fall off of you when you move and not showing your panties to everyone if you were doing hectic turns. This had to be taken into consideration as well. You laugh with the panties but I have seen so many old lady's panties in their little dancing expos that it's become like a "whatever" sight and so with that mentioned, if you've never danced and you're wearing this lovely little dress for your dance, please, please wear those little shorts underneath for the sake of your guests!

To cut a very long story short, I decided to go with bits from a wedding dress which would look good on my small frame and bits from a formal dress that I could dance comfortably in and still look good. In fact, my dress is convertible and I think it was the best way of getting the best of both worlds with a more wedding dress type of dress for the ceremony, while not looking too wedding dress-ey and then the dress to dance in after that is suitable but not just an everyday dress in white.
I will post pics after the wedding.

Here are some pics of what I was referring to earlier though:

I cheated on my Wedding dress and now I'm all confused

My Wedding dress and I were very happy together. We didn't see each other very often but when we did, it was always special. We just fitted so well together, like it was meant to be.

The only problem was that my Wedding dress was a little restricting.
After much thought, I had decided to get a reception dress to have the best of both worlds. Lots of people have these arrangements with their Wedding dresses and it works very well.

Unfortunately, my search for a suitable reception dress resulted in me finding a dress that surpassed my Wedding dress!
I didn't expect this to happen! I was totally loyal and loving of my Wedding dress and the thought didn't even enter my mind to find another but alas, it always seems to happen when you're not looking and now I'm all confused and just don't know which to choose!

Who to invite and who not to invite

Planning a wedding is a lot of fun. I've heard about how it's so stressful, etc and maybe yes, later on when Aunty soandso finds out that she isn't invited and it starts a fight with Uncle whatisface because he said she would get drunk and strip during the ceremony, it may begin to get a little tense.

The thing is this, I have a big family. I don't always speak to everyone or see everyone and although I'm friends with most of them on FB, we don't communicate much.

Now like most people, we put EVERYBODY on the list, looked at the cost and decided to cut, cut, cut. The question is: Who?

If somebody invited you to their wedding, are you automatically obligated to invite them to yours?
If you invite some of the first cousins that you speak to and associate with more regularly, are you obligated to invite all of the other first cousins?
If you have a group of friends, but are closer to some than others, are you obligated to invite everyone in the group?

Obviously we can invite whoever we want to and feelings will be hurt and squabbles will be had but is there some sort of absolute rule when it comes to these things? Like, if you haven't spoken to someone, regardless of the connection for more than 2 months, 4 hours and 56 minutes, they can be cut? Is there anything like that? It would help so much! If not, one should be started! I'm not starting it though, somebody else should; Somebody who is already married!

It would be lovely to invite everyone but we sadly lost our money tree in the move and now the guilt and difficulty in deciding who to cut is unavoidable.

Introduction

I have mingled all my wedding ramblings with my normal ramblings and those who read my wedding ramblings don't always want to read my normal ramblings and visa-versa and so I have decided to separate them.

I have done so much online research about weddings and dresses and just yesterday about veils and all the bits in between and while I am so far from an expert and have to consult with my friends who are much wiser in these things than I, I will disperse what I have learnt here in the hopes that it brings a hint of enlightenment to someone out there should they be wondering what, or what not, to do for their own wedding day.

"Wedding" is in itself an industry with lots of people out to make lots and lots of money and if us ladies can help each other out, in even the smallest way, to avoid the sharks, then why not?

I will add pictures to this blog!! :)